So...it took me an embarrassingly long time to come back to this and finish my travel blog posts. And as silly as it is, that it's just a fun, personal blog, I didn't finish because I began to take the writing too seriously, too personally.
I love writing. It's honestly one of my favorite things to do in the world. I love the feel of pen on paper or the sound of my computer keys clicking on the keyboard as I enter a steady flow. I love writing because I feel like when I write I have confidence in my ideas, I feel like I've made a commitment to speak my mind and I feel like I have so many ideas and important things to say and reflections about this world that I want to share with people. I like making connections and building relationships through my words. But I stopped writing because I stopped believing in the power of my words and my ability to make a difference with them.
I lost a lot of belief in myself. And when you don't believe in yourself, you get insecure and start doubting everything you do. I started worrying what people thought, if people found my words interesting. It felt like if I got no response on something I wrote, then people didn't care and what I had to say wasn't important.
But after having a wonderful response to my "coming out" anniversary post and seeing the overwhelming response, it made me believe again and showed me that people do appreciate my words and that there are a lot of really great people who care and love me deeply. And I think I needed that support. That and my rock and amazing boyfriend Ryan, who has believed in me and loved me unconditionally throughout this very frustrating time in my life. He's been there to give me "tough love" when I need it and I would be so much worse off without him in my life. For him, I am so thankful.
But I just want to thank you all for being so encouraging and loving while I am going through a rough patch in my life. Looking for a fulfilling career has been very hard on me and I haven't been that successful, and it's drained my confidence and self-esteem. But I'm beginning to be a little less hard on myself and more focused on living in the moment and doing what I love while I am still young. I am resolved not to care so much about whether I have it figured out yet or if I haven't gotten that start on a museum, archive, communications, or tennis job.
I think I just need time to figure it all out. I need time to build my confidence back up and to find something I can consistently love doing and trust that it will all work out. And who knows, hopefully by continuing to write I can discover my passion and figure out what I'm meant to do.
In the meantime, enjoy the rest of my posts about Ryan and I's excellent adventure! Thanks for reading!
Nick Woodbury
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